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How to turn someone into Newt Gingrich MATERIALS 6 7-day black candles First, you set six black candles in a circle. Next, following the appropriate ritual for the circle casting, you light the cow patties. Once the air in the room has become overpowering, you don the rubber gloves (to avoid contamination from the unholy text) and read the entire Contract On America...oops! That's Contract WITH America, backwards -- without falling asleep. Upon completion of the reading, you place the paper doll into the book and slam it shut, securing it with the iron nail. Within 7 days, the subject will have turned into a Newt...and will NOT GET BETTER! (do not try this at home.
Isn't one Newt Gingrich enough, thank you?) - Unknown.
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